We are on day 6 of our quarantine (we were sick for a few days before we got tested so probably more like day 8). We have The Covid. So far, the symptoms have been mild and though we feel very lucky and fortunate, we also knew we’d be okay if we got Covid. We have been actively working on building our immune systems and making our bodies unhospitable places for pathogens for several years.
I texted my dad to let him know we had it and were quarantining and not to worry. He was on his way to Denver to go to my niece’s birthday party. He responded with “get the shot, daughter.” Nothing more. My mother was already there. I did not text her to let her know because I know not to expect support or love from her and did not want to be disappointed with her reaction, so I told my Dad to let them know we were ok. I texted my brother and my sister-in-law. The only person to respond with love and concern was my sister-in-law. You see, my family are all bleeding-heart-democrats and though I identified as one for a long time, I don’t any longer. I know they have been repeatedly fed the narrative that people who don’t get vaccinated are uncaring of others and selfishly not putting experimental pharmaceuticals in their veins for their own selfish reasons.
To get the news that your family member, lo your sister or daughter, has an illness, that you yourself view as very grave, and to not respond with love, concern or caring at all is a sign that the things you are hearing, reading, and seeing do not have yours or your loved one’s best interest at heart. In fact, it is a sign to turn off the news, put your hand over your heart and remember who you truly are. The media has so much influence over us and to not be able to see the difference between your own heart and mind and what the political or media narrative are trying to convince you that you are is one of the biggest problems I see facing our modern world. We are so conditioned from an early age to identify as being on one side or another. We are made to compare ourselves to one another and fight for survival instead of coming together as a community, a village and support one another which I believe is our true nature. When I stub my toe or cry out in pain, my daughters instinctively come over to me and put their hands on me and look into my eyes and ask “are you ok mommy? Are you ok?” And if ever they fall, I rush to them, scoop them up and hold them and talk to them until the pain subsides.
I understand that there are families out there that are perhaps more equipped and are handling this in a more connected way than my own. But generally, my writing isn’t for them anyway. My writing is for those of us who feel alone. Those of us who, just once, don’t want to have to be the bigger person. I texted my dad that I was sad that his response was to try yet again forcefully to tell me what to do with my body. I told him that I know that he does not understand that I not only don’t want to put more pharmaceuticals in my body, but that I am actively trying to heal from all the chemicals I put into my body growing up.
A lot of people think that pharmaceutical companies are trying to help us. To allevieate our symptoms. And I am trying to say, I want to heal the root cause. I do not eat the flesh of other beings, not just because I don’t want to cause harm to animals, but because our rivers and oceans are poisoned with heavy metals and plastics and parasites that then become a part of us. Our domesticated animals are pumped full of antibiotics, hormones and other chemicals that once ingested become a part of us and make us sick. We are surrounded by pesticides, herbicides, gmos, and chemicals falling from the sky not to mention pollution from vehicles that seeps into our skin and blood streams giving us cancers and other illnesses. I am not, on top of all of the household cleaners, perfumes, plastics, and tainted tap water, going to inject more junk into my body. I have to eat the cleanest organic fruits and vegetables, rest and work on eliminating toxins so diligently to just put up with the modern world, let alone add more fuel to the fire. I did numerous drugs and smoked cigarettes for 11 years. To think I already don’t have an uphill battle to climb is preposterous.
People will say, you are so healthy! And I smile and say, yeah, I guess. But I want them to know, there is almost no one who is healthy anymore. There are a handful of people on tropical islands eating the freshest fruit, getting enough clean air and sunshine, who lead low-stress lives who are doing it the “most right” in my opinion. But me, I am only starting to get healthy. I am only starting to drink my lemon water and take my vitamins. Heck, I just quit coffee 6 months or so ago. I am finally starting to try to keep my stress (adrenaline and cortisol) low.
We are so inundated with information it is so hard to figure out which road to take. I am so glad I was sober the first time I found paradise when I went to Hawaii. I walked barefoot, I ate fresh fruit from the trees, I went to meetings and met new people, and I sat in reflection. I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs, I was getting plenty of sunshine, and for the first time in my whole life I felt pretty good (even while still smoking and eating poorly). I was given a glimpse into my future, into the future of what is possible. Some people’s paradise is a cabin on a mountain, or a big farm in the Midwest. Wherever it is, I hope it is clean, and beautiful. It is certainly worth fighting for.
One thing we all crave though, is our village. Our place to call home, whether in an online community, or the people in your town. A place we are accepted and cared for. A place where neighbors help each other out despite some slight differences in opinion. A place where there is respect for the earth and the water, and we don’t use unnatural products that harm us or the earth.
Our bodies and our homes are worth fighting for. Our earth and our oceans need us desperately. And our kids too no matter how old they are. I love you and I love this crazy world. And I love myself and respect my body and what goes in and on it after all these years. Let us not forget to search our own souls daily for the answers to our questions. I follow a lot of very intelligent people and consume a lot (sometimes too much) information from the world around me. I am not exactly where I want to be, but I do know the direction I am headed. For me it is a much simpler life than I had imagined even when I was younger.
I saw a photo yesterday of a place called “Pioneer Farm.” It was a place I went to for day camp as a kid. We dressed up in dresses and bonnets and aprons and it was a real, working, farm with no electricity or modern devices. I remember being so excited to pick vegetables, round up chickens, brush cotton, churn butter and move hay around. I watched them baking molasses, baling hay and growing and chewing on sugar cane. It was pure magic. Now, I don’t mind using modern conveniences and I certainly enjoy electricity, but my soul rejoiced when I was there. Where does your soul rejoice? On your board when you are looking out to sea and back to shore? When your heart is pumping and you are running trails through the woods? When you are making up stories about far away lands? When are you meditating and have the perfect time to yourself? When do you feel in perfect communion with Life? Find the sacred, follow the ceremony, discover the days that leave you exhausted but smiling. Lets get together and figure it out.